Thursday 10 October 2013
'Click'
As I sit in my dining room (like Amber) attempting to write this 2nd blog, having made another cup of coffee (like Mary) I'm comforted by the thought; 'I'm not alone', thanks to my fellow MAPPers and their wonderful blogs!
Struggling to 'fit' everything in with work and home life I knew would be an issue, and one that I was aware of before embarking on the MA course. What I didn't expect was MYSELF to be the issue. I have spent the past week thinking, reflecting, re-thinking, reflecting some more, jotting notes, writing journals, reading books, moving from one room to another, making more cups of tea and coffee in the hope that something very soon would click and fall into place............ - nothing! That is, until the latter part of this week and in the early hours of this morning.
The first part of my 'click' adventure was an impromptu experiment I did with my students on reflection. After cramming my brain with extensive reading, I was curious to see how my students would relate something they had learnt at school, reflect on it and convey it through movement. The result was extraordinary and one that filled me with great joy as I watched them move through the music with their own reflective thought. This impromptu performance was quite magnificent and surprisingly helpful in securing my own value and purpose of reflection. The second 'click' event was within my reading material. I've been dipping in and out of the core text books and not really grasping all of the material. This I have found frustrating and once again found MYSELF to be the issue - not the books. However, last night I finished reading from cover to cover 'The Work-Based Learning Student Handbook' by Ruth Helyer. The light was back on "I Get It" was the cry in my head- I felt connected, motivated and able to relate my findings more easily than a couple of days before.
Following an array of reflective dreams I woke up early this morning, raring to go and have been on the laptop since 7.30am. Reading the latest blogs from my fellow students provided the final 'click' - identification and reality - "They're feeling the same as me".
In a strange macabre way, and most definitely upon reflection, I'm enjoying all these strange emotions. Whatever it is, for the time being, it's 'Clicked' and I am now more able to look at the piles of books and notes all over the dining room and push self doubt and issues of MYSELF further into the distance.
Helen promised this would be an eventful journey - did she really mean in the first two weeks?!
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Absolutely!!!
ReplyDeleteLove those click moments...may you have many more along the course of this programme. I always feel it's a little as if we're being tested, and in order to find the combination to unlock the next door we must go through many many versions/patterns/ways of being/ways of understanding before we crack the code. The frustrations (due to the high expectations I feel we often have of ourselves to figure things out instantly)...part of who we are, how we learn, how we perceive and value ourselves within the world.
Really happy you're feeling the support of your fellow MAPPers too in this Amanda...looking forward to reading more of your journey as it unfolds.
Helen
Amanda.That sounds really great that you could see the reflection in the students. I had a moment where I took on a new member of staff and stood back and watched her teach..It was really hard for me. Knowing I have some learning to do in 'letting go'. However,for me too to be able to look at my school from the outside in, was fantastic. I haven't really clicked yet, as I think I am finding reflection hard not to just tell a story. I have it in my head but sorting it all out onto paper is a challenging task! I have been reading the Ruth Helyer book too but stopped and started reading some "Dewey" and all the other piles of books. I think I am getting a bit obsessed with finding evidence for my learning. I am going to go back to it as I think it might clear up my processes... PS. I too am loving this new journey. It is challenging not be told learn this and then be tested on it, an unknown investigative journey I do worry though that I am on a different motorway! No Student Card yet!
ReplyDeleteLook forward to reading your next blog.
Mary
Sounds great Amanda just ordered the book through Waterstones! Has anyone else had problems with viewing ebooks on lib guides i just cant get my head around it!
ReplyDeletecontact Adam Edwards with any problems with resources, he is our librarian for all work based learning/distance learning students, should be able to sort you out with what you need.
ReplyDelete